The visit

I was making breakfast this morning and there was a knock at my door. I cheerfully and reluctantly answered. It was a man, in his early thirties. Dark hair, skinny and carrying a book bag. He asked to come in. I didn't want to invite him in but before I knew it, he was sitting on my couch. I wasn't afraid, he didn't looked armed, and he was small enough that I could take him on, if needed.

I sat across from him and asked him what the purpose of his visit was. He started at me. He said he has been knocking on my door for years but just today, I had enough courage to answer the door and allow him, allow him in.

Have you have been stalking me, I asked? He calmly said no.

He wasn't a man of many words as he stared at me. I still had no idea what this man wanted or who he was.

Now, I was starting to feel a bit anxious. That feeling of lack of air, pressure on my chest looking for a way out...

I don't understand your purpose, I stated firmly.

He said, "I have been around you for a while, visiting you often and you haven't even wondered who I was? I have made you uneasy, unconsciously with my presence and you have never bother to look at me or ask what was my purpose or where did I come from?

He went on, "I have taken away from you, countless moments. I have caused many sleepless nights. I have made you excessively exercise or drown in the pool of "what if this happens".

I have made you scream at your children for being children. I have made you ignore your husband.

There have been too many moments that I have stolen from you and you have just now acknowledged that I am here?

Now I am looking at this guy like WTF....looking around for a hidden camera or something of that sort...how did this man know so much about me? How did he know about my fears and anxieties.

Then, it finally occurred to me. He was the fear itself. Fear manifested as a person.

My fears were right in front of me.

He smiled and said, ask me anything.

I took a deep breath and said, why the fuck are you here?

He smiled again and said, "I thought you would never ask?"

He continued, "every time I have visited you was to make you look at your belief patters that was causing me to stick around. I visit you because otherwise you wouldn't pay attention. You would settle in your comfortable safe place and coast for the rest of your physically living days believing you are separate from God and living accordingly. You asked me a long time ago to be part of your life and act as guard rails.

I am a good guy. I stir up emotions and make you question situations. I make you rearrange. I am your friend. Don't keep ignoring me because then my visits become frequent. I will move in, if I have to. Talk to me and ask me questions. What is the purpose of fear? Ask me where I was created. I bet, my creation was some place in misplaced belief.

Honestly, I would rather not visit you because it costs me time so find out where in your life, you created me. I can confidently say that my origin will surprise you. You will understand and my purpose will be complete. I will leave.

That is what I did. I asked him questions, tons of questions, trying to find out the source of his existence and how I can get him to go. I didn't like how he made me feel when he was around. I was short on patience, unsettled and scared.

We talked for a while. Weirdly, asking him questions, made me feel more in control and less fearful. I did find out that most of my fears started as a child. I was so young. I created him unconsciously. But now I know. I know better. I know that he doesn't belong to me. This man, my fear, could go on for now until there is more to unfold. More to discover.

I thanked him for his purpose and told him his time had come to leave. I would do my best to need him less and less every day. I told him I would work on replacing him with joy and I would allow healing to come effortlessly in his absence.

Fear no longer has a home in my divinity. For I am light dissipating darkness with my presence.